Getting the Crazy Out & Other Appetizers

Garde Manger (sounds like guard mon-jay), which is the appetizer station, is where I have spent the last 4 class sessions, which have been scattered over a few weeks thanks to the abundance of holiday weekends recently. Before I get into the nitty-gritty of what Garde Manger entails, I have to confess something. I have been avoiding posting anything on here lately because I have been overcome with football related depression and I spent the last week feeling like I got dumped. I moped, I didn't get out of bed for a full day. I ate junk food. It wasn't pretty. And to top it off, I've gotten flack for writing about football from some of my friends, so I didn't even feel like this was a safe place to come and cry about it. (Side note: when one day I have a blog devoted entirely to one topic, for example: food, which I will, and I stray from food to football, then feel free to chastise me. Until then, you're stuck with the unfocused thoughts that run through my head.) I finally shook it off and realized two things: 1. It's just football and 2. It really wasn't about football at all.

For the past few months, I've been in a cycle of panic and then determination, anxiety then focus, self doubt then fear, then a search for temporary distraction. Yes, I know, it's the life everyone dreams of. A lot of times the distraction I found that calmed the anxiousness was football. Something to focus on that wasn't my impending graduation and career doing...doing WHAT?! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NEXT?! You see, having moved 3,000 miles away, dumped a truckload of money into school, and uprooted my husband from the life he was quite fond of, has created this intense personal pressure to make something HUGE of what we are doing. And as I continue to learn, to work (for free) and to meet people and make connections, I still don't have a dream job waiting for me. I don't think even I expected me to have the perfect job lined up with 3 months to go before graduation, but for some reason that has not quieted my internal panic alarm. It all came to a head this weekend in a really unbecoming blubbery moment the likes of which never seem to scare Mike away. He listened to me wail about my fears and inadequacies and then said "I wish you believed in yourself as much as I do". Which then caused the "poor me" tears to turn into "I'm so lucky to have him" tears. After career services talked me off the ledge yesterday and assured me that I am doing everything I need to be doing and moving in the right direction, I think I can safely write about it without alarming anyone about my mental state. Or maybe that ship has sailed.

Regardless of popular opinion on my emotional stability, it was what I needed to regroup and refocus on what's ahead. Mike's second gem of wisdom was "You should be excited about having all of this possibility in front of you...you can do ANYTHING you want!". Seriously? What is wrong with me? I came storming in here ready to conquer the city and 9 months later I am sniffling in the kitchen over some made up obstacle? Probably a good idea to never follow me into battle if the situation somehow calls for it. Although I'm sure once I have the troops totally distracted with karaoke and fantasy football and pretending like the war around us isn't actually happening, Mike will step in quietly, pull me together and let me lead everyone to victory as he steps back into the shadows. So, that weird analogy is actually a foreshadowing of when I am wildly successful, you must know Mike is always behind me helping me get there. (Cue Bette Midler: You were the wind beneath my wiiiiiings).

Well that confession took up most of the allotted blog time I've scheduled between working on my menu project for school, doing taxes, and updating the resume. So I'll give you a quick synopsis of my time on the Garde Manger station. 1. Chef Karen was super snippy with me and I did not like it one bit. ONE BIT. 2. There are 3 too many people in our group of 5 to ever feel particularly busy. We only serve 3 things in Garde Manger: a sweet potato gnocchi with rabbit ragu, a warm potato and goat cheese salad, and a digestive salad served between the savory and sweet portions of the meal to cleanse the palate. This could be handled by 2 or 3 people and would make me infinitely more confident in my abilities to hack it in an actual restaurant kitchen. 3. Between the waiting around for orders to come in and doing something irritating to Chef Karen like hold a pan incorrectly, it hasn't been my favorite station thus far. It also could have been my attitude lately. We'll see if regrouped Emily has a better time in pastry. Menu project recipes and photos to come shortly...